Over all these years that I have been breathing, there has been numerous moments when I have refrained from giving in, have fought hard, have fallen time and again, have dusted my bums and moved on …. It’s been quite a long and it has always been a journey. More than journey between places, it has been this unending voyage between throngs of people. People of various kinds, a handful of who will let you in and a world of others whom you would rather keep at a bay. It is this voyage that life is all about. Meeting people, influencing them, learning from them, treasuring memories of them, having all those insane discussions in the middle of the night with people who are equally insane as you and a lot more. It all comes down from a large ambiguous word- Life, to those little memories it is made up of.
In between all these meetings, when someone in the group says “people come and go”, I switch the topic. I don’t want to think about it sometimes, but it always has a way of getting into your mind and stimulating your nerve cells into deep thought. There are such days when I stay awake late night, unable to drift into sleep because my little brain is busy thinking big things out. This thought is scary, many a times. Somewhere I am being selfish when I say, I want people to come, but don’t want them to leave. More so, it’s painful, to imagine your safe haven slowly disappearing into the thin clouds. And getting replaced by new places, new faces, and total newness.
When I moved into this place, I was so sure that I won’t find people who would be like my old friends, but then life had to surprise me by giving me better people to go out with. And those people were like complete packages of insanity, where I could dig deep into them and find only madness gushing out. With these people I could have drunk talks without getting drunk, talk openly about the recent crush of mine or the totally un-happening romance of my life, and later have a good laugh at all those nonsense I just blurted out. There is this feeling that these people won’t judge me whatever I say, and I must say they don’t let me down.
Contrary to my thoughts, people whom I thought held my universe some years ago, drifted apart, and just became a list of names with numbers in my social networking accounts. It’s quite strange when the people who were safe-keepers of my heart, began conversations that started with a Hi-How-are-you and ended with a smiley. Was there so less to say, so had we all moved on? I can’t blame any of them, and I don’t, it’s a part of human nature, “moving on” and clinging to old memories and wanting such conversations back again for a while, makes you a lonely person to them. But I wonder, were all those moments from childhood till teenage, nothing worthy to hold on to? Do memories have time stamps on it? As in, we should remember them only till a certain period of time? But then again it’s called moving on, they say.
But memories are this strange thing you see, even if you want it to go, it won’t. It will take its sweet time to fade away. And that’s where I find myself every single time I leave a place. In between this fading away and holding on of memories. Sometimes I wish I could write it all down as volumes, stack it in my library and just totally forget about it until I read it another time. People, strangest living beings I find. When life gets so busy that keeping in touch becomes a strife, then you need to pause a moment and look into what kind of a life you are living. Is this all you wanted? Or is this all you are getting?
I am this strange person, who belongs to the strangest species; humans. Memories for me are carved in my heart, where photos needn’t remind me of what happened between us a couple of years ago. If I have loved you hard, then wow, you are forever a possession my heart holds. This crazy little thing inside my skull, have painted faces vividly for me to reflect back upon, a couple of years later and smile at all the times we made memories.
Now that days are numbered in this place, a university which gave me little too many things to hold on to, the insomniac days have returned. When lights are turned off, I think hard, of the people that will leave. People whom I’ll have to leave behind. The hostel rooms that presented memories, the short independent day outs with friends, classes enjoyed with my most favorite lecturers, and all those innumerable faces that are painted within. People who marked my life, endured my insanity and accepted my obnoxiousness.
Life would change for sure, but will I be able to move on? Or will I cling onto these memories that I’ve made? A strange sense of fear grips me when I think of all these, and once again I find myself pushing this thought away. The days to follow, will be harder, when this thought will take roots in me. I know one thing, let people come and let them leave. But when to free them from my heart, is upto me, and that’s all that I want for now. To just hold on, to enjoy every single second that I get to smile along, be my nerdy self and make memories.
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