Who am I?

The moon has risen, and people have fallen into deep slumbers. But I just lost my sleep. Who am I? Someone told me that it is a huge question to be answered. And here I am searching for answers. At midnight I just gave up sleep, for this question keeps pestering me.

It is not just a huge question, but the kind of query that will follow you wherever you are, whatever you do. It tails you to unexplained lengths just to leave you more perplexed. When will I find an answer? I do not know. It is the quest of life and if at the end of your life you are not able to answer this question then maybe you did not live one at all. You were just imitating what you thought life is…

For now, who I am is what matters to me the most. Am I a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a student, a friend or anything like those? But again we are not defined by the roles we assume in our life. For these roles were not our choice, some are, but most of them is just another play of the puppeteer. I shoulder those roles quite well in life, but that doesn’t necessarily define me. It is an obligation, very less a choice.

Then…who am I?

Am I what I do? Does that tell myself who I am? I paint, sketch, compose, write and brood within myself, does that shape me? This time I am not quite sure, the passions I hold, they do polish me into the very existence I have. Does that make me?

…

Am I the notions that I behold?

Am I the words that I speak?

Am I the actions that I engage in?

Should I be defined by the frown lines I possess, or the smile that I wear?

The colours that I choose, or the attitude I have?

Am I the love that I present, or the hatred I embrace?

The masks that I wear or face that I hide?

…

Neither the emotions nor the actions define me. For now, I think it is who I think I am that I am. The words here are pretty gibberish, because a clear thinking paves way to a clear writing. Unless I think clear and find an appropriate answer myself the words will be the same. It’s the clear stream of consciousness that I put down here. The question is still left unanswered. No, don’t misinterpret me, I was obviously not thinking of answering such a vital question overnight. All I wanted to do was to ask myself some queries that arose, for I can try answering them tomorrow or the days to come…

I embrace my quest, drop my masks for a while and ask myself again…Who am I?
The question now is whether I am willing to accept the answer I receive? That may not necessarily be what I thought myself to be… it might turn tables in my life, throw my mental balance into a black hole and destroy me forever.

Finding answers won’t suffice, this time it calls for more courage to accept whatever comes by as a response. The day I find answers I’ll make sure that my weapons are dropped and I stand face to the truth I just uncovered. I would grow strong to admit and grow into the self I found.