Days pass by so swiftly that you don't even realize that the sun has set and the dusk had crawled in. It was the bright morning of one such day. The sun was shining mighteously that the rays creeped in through the curtains to wake me up. I did set an alarm but didn't even know when I had switched it off. Sighing to myself I scrambled out of the bed. Greeting the morning with a cup of tea I took a glance through my blog site. There I noticed the date of the article I had published last. It was in May.
That instilled a strange sense of fear within me. The fear of losing what I loved and cherished the most- 'the flow of words that I experience when I am dating a pen and a paper.' Adding up to this fear my brain rushed through time to recollect some conversations. A few days before some good readers who were close to me raised same query in unison- "Ammu...have you stopped writing?"
In a split second I found my brain freaking out. It was on fire and was processing all those words. Now my fear had doubled up.
OK! I said to myself. Without even bothering to complete my breakfast I frantically grabbed a pen, took my writing board and yes..I had decided to write. I set a fresh new page, pulled out the cap of the pen, checked the ink and fitted it firmly between my index, thumb and middle finger. I stared at the blank paper and the board with cute angry bird print on it.
Unlike the other times, only this time I didn't know what to write about. I looked around searching for a subject but all I could see was furniture and a dry scenery outside. But I had to write....Forcibly I started writing. Usually I write the title first, but this time since I didn't exactly know the subject, I began without a title.
In the process I stumbled upon an idea and having no other option I decided to develop it. I just had a faint light guiding me and all around was pitch darkness. The light was as faint as that of a firefly and it made my journey tough. The writing had no flow and above all no life. Ideas were fading away before my eyes and in the half way I realized that I had lost it entirely. My active fingers felt numb and the pen it held stared blankly at me. I couldn't continue as I didn't know how to. I put away the incomplete write up and retreated into a novel.
Days passed since then and one day out of the blue, I FELT like writing. I was lost in thoughts and I jotted down a title. Then what came was a surge of never ending ideas, thoughts and words. I couldn't hear what people around me talking about, I didn't once shift my glance from the paper. What more....I was writing furiously, passionately and with immense love for it.
After a couple of minutes, I concluded my write up and looked at it with heartfelt satisfaction. Just a moment back I was lost in a world where only words existed, where ideas came to you naturally and that restored a contented smile on my face.
Right then I remembered a quote by John Keats- "If poetry comes not as naturally as leaves to a tree, it had better not come at all."
Just like poetry if ideas and words do not come naturally to you, you cannot force it to.
Sometimes I feel very lonely, that is when I need a confidant. When I get too emotional I need the patience of my diary. And at some very rare but special moments I find myself bubbling up with emotions, at that time- only writing can calm me down. My best friends - a pen and a paper. It may take days, weeks or even months for that idea to spring up, but I know that it will. As I sum up my article I am once again filled with confidence and satisfaction of completing yet another write-up successfully.
At this very moment all I want to do is to get my hands on the keyboard-type it-and publish it right away. ;)
That instilled a strange sense of fear within me. The fear of losing what I loved and cherished the most- 'the flow of words that I experience when I am dating a pen and a paper.' Adding up to this fear my brain rushed through time to recollect some conversations. A few days before some good readers who were close to me raised same query in unison- "Ammu...have you stopped writing?"
In a split second I found my brain freaking out. It was on fire and was processing all those words. Now my fear had doubled up.
OK! I said to myself. Without even bothering to complete my breakfast I frantically grabbed a pen, took my writing board and yes..I had decided to write. I set a fresh new page, pulled out the cap of the pen, checked the ink and fitted it firmly between my index, thumb and middle finger. I stared at the blank paper and the board with cute angry bird print on it.
Unlike the other times, only this time I didn't know what to write about. I looked around searching for a subject but all I could see was furniture and a dry scenery outside. But I had to write....Forcibly I started writing. Usually I write the title first, but this time since I didn't exactly know the subject, I began without a title.
In the process I stumbled upon an idea and having no other option I decided to develop it. I just had a faint light guiding me and all around was pitch darkness. The light was as faint as that of a firefly and it made my journey tough. The writing had no flow and above all no life. Ideas were fading away before my eyes and in the half way I realized that I had lost it entirely. My active fingers felt numb and the pen it held stared blankly at me. I couldn't continue as I didn't know how to. I put away the incomplete write up and retreated into a novel.
Days passed since then and one day out of the blue, I FELT like writing. I was lost in thoughts and I jotted down a title. Then what came was a surge of never ending ideas, thoughts and words. I couldn't hear what people around me talking about, I didn't once shift my glance from the paper. What more....I was writing furiously, passionately and with immense love for it.
After a couple of minutes, I concluded my write up and looked at it with heartfelt satisfaction. Just a moment back I was lost in a world where only words existed, where ideas came to you naturally and that restored a contented smile on my face.
Right then I remembered a quote by John Keats- "If poetry comes not as naturally as leaves to a tree, it had better not come at all."
Just like poetry if ideas and words do not come naturally to you, you cannot force it to.
Sometimes I feel very lonely, that is when I need a confidant. When I get too emotional I need the patience of my diary. And at some very rare but special moments I find myself bubbling up with emotions, at that time- only writing can calm me down. My best friends - a pen and a paper. It may take days, weeks or even months for that idea to spring up, but I know that it will. As I sum up my article I am once again filled with confidence and satisfaction of completing yet another write-up successfully.
At this very moment all I want to do is to get my hands on the keyboard-type it-and publish it right away. ;)
Very good, Ammu.
ReplyDeleteAmmu,it happens sometimes with most of the writers.Do not compel yourself,let the words flow naturally.Your words display a kaleidoscopic vision of your thoughts and most of the time,I am amazed how easily you connect yourself with your thoughts.Keep it up,let your thoughts be away from all kind of fears.Go ahead.
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