Journey To Where I Belong

With a heavy heart I bid adieu to my age old toys. The pink girly room whose nook and corners were adorned with my thoughts, feelings and pictures. The room which was often referred to as a junk yard, but had always been a major part of what I called my world. A place where my thoughts ran wild and out of control. It was no longer mine now. As the memories flooded back into me I gripped my hands on the handle of my suitcase and dragged it out. It was filled with my belongings I always splayed all across the room and those tiny gaps between my belongings were filled with all those moments that strike a cord in my heart every now and then.

Every time I stepped out of my room there was a belief in me that I would return very soon, but this time there was no coming back and I felt an ache beneath my ribs at the realization of this. Fastening the lock on the front door I stepped down those twenty five stairs I had been climbing for over fifteen years. I could climb them even blindfolded. I held the railings that I always used to cling on as a toddler but with time it got ignored as I felt stable on my feet. Each step took me farther from my home and evoked in me a series of refreshing memories I have had in here. 

How I used to run down them when I got late for school, how I used to sit on those stairs and wait when I forgot the house key and the reluctance with which I used to climb them after a tiring session in the school.

My thoughts were interrupted by the impatient cabbie honking at my delay. The luggage was tied in the carrier above the vehicle and I fitted myself in the space at the backseat of the car with a lot of pain. The engine whirred and was on its way- on its way to drop me to where I belonged. As the car moved on I casted a lingering glance to the city that had given me a truck load of memories to treasure now and forever.  The place where I took my first steps, where I first went to school, where I hanged out and partied with my buddies, talked about my secret crushes and above all this was where I learned how to live.

There was a weary seven hour long journey ahead of me, maybe my last or if fate had decided otherwise then there still was a chance. Every year I make this journey back home and it had become so casual, so monotonous that I hardly cared. But this year everything was at the verge of changing and I did not want to miss out even a single sight of this beautiful place in my slumber. I forced my eyes open whenever I was about to doze off. I savored all the scenes before me- the convulsive turnings on the road, snow covered  mountain tops, boulders about to roll down, landslides, waterfalls, damp and dense forests and the sky. It was not blue as always rather it had taken up a dark shade, quite gloomy too- ready to weep at my departure. The pain I was biting down was making me imagine things. I could do nothing but smirk at my stupid thoughts making my heard burdened and heavy again.

I took a break to relax my heart and took a peek into my life myself three days from today…..the sights were filled with new places, familiar faces of strangers, busy vehicles running up and down, traffic jams and a lot of people thronged around all the public places. I shook my head and brought myself back to the car. Life in my country wouldn’t be tough I know, perhaps it would be far better and easier for I had a large family there- most of whom I really don’t know yet. But it would all be like getting a large scoop of your favorite ice-cream while you are having fever- you just can’t feel the taste. As the hours crawled by and the journey progressed I was getting nearer to my new life and was moving apart from the moments that I had treasured and will treasure forever. These memories always tugged my heart and held me back.

Life would never be the same again. It would now be filed with new places, new faces, new discoveries that I had to make all on my own- without the help of my parents. My pen has stopped moving, the ink hasn’t finished but the words are falling short. As the sights of India slides past before my eyes, and as I get jerked by the cradling movements of the train, I fight my urge to shed tears. I don’t yet feel ready and equipped to embrace my new life but with time I know I will be. It is time to come out of the cozy nest, to spread my wings and fly. I may fall at times but I know that I will get up with more strength. As Robin Sharma says ‘I am going to embrace my fears.’