I stared at the red blood like stain of doma (betel nut) on the yellowish
white tile. The cracked pans reminded me of those broken window glasses through
which the chilly air of winter blew and took away the warmth from our bodies.
Everything was stinking. The ceiling was covered with spider webs that it was hard
for anyone to guess the real color of them. Walls were neatly pasted with
white tiles that had already started turning yellow. I couldn’t tolerate the
smell and the sight before me. I dashed out of that horrible place. In the
hurry, something hit my head. Everything seemed blur and my sight became dim
till everything turned black……………
It was a chilly morning. I got up with my lessons fresh in my
mind. With prayers to the god, I started the special, which was going to decide
my tomorrow. This was the exam for the recruitment of students to pursue their
education in foreign countries. Among us, only five toppers were to be
selected. My colleagues and I reached the hall at the nick of time. The
invigilator had just pushed the door open. I took my seat with a slight
nervousness. The papers were distributed and I glanced at each one of them. I
knew most of them and I started scribbling whatever I knew. I had completed
pretty much of questions but I got struck up on one question.
I started looking here and there. I was terrified with what I
saw. One of my friends was busy copying the answers he had written on his gho (traditional Bhutanese wear).
The invigilator was sitting on a chair and was looking out as if he was a caged
bird longing for freedom. I warned my friend not to do it but he did not take
notice of my words. He even dared to
offer me help on the question I had difficulty with but I openly denied his
offer. I stuck on to my policy of honesty. When the final bell rang, we all
moved out of the hall praying to qualify. Days passed and the results were out.
The boy who copied was the topper and I was not selected with just a decimal
difference of percentage with the fifth position holder.
I was not able to tolerate all these that I started becoming
mentally ill. I came to a situation of complete madness and was admitted in a
mental hospital for three years. When I returned I searched everywhere for a
job but everyone denied. Who would give job to a person who was mentally
unstable? I was shattered and crushed by my own fate. My parents and teachers
taught me to be honest and said it was the best policy. I could not understand
anything.
Where did it all go wrong? Was honesty really the best
policy? I doubted. My fate did not have the slightest bit of mercy on me. Did
my teachers and parents lie to me? Were they all wrong? Did I miss the chance
to pursue my education because I did not take advantage of the golden chance?
Or the policy to which I stuck on betrayed me? I did not have answers to any of
these questions. I had to work as a public toilet cleaner just because of my
policies.
…………..when I opened my eyes I was in a hospital ward. Someone
had reached me there, from the horrible toilet. I thanked the stranger in my
mind and left the place. I went home and switched on the light. With my eyes
filled with tears, I sat on my bed. I did not want to live some more days with
the horrible sense of loss. I saw a dark life ahead. I decided not to cry
anymore and to stop my tears forever. A piece of rope can end everything, I
thought. Soon I did it. I quit this life of loses with my neck at the end of a
firm rope. At least it did not betray me.
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